R — Relatedness

The brain sorts people into „one of us” and „outsiders” in under a second, based on subtle signals (how you speak, what jargon, what cultural references). With „one of us”, you're instinctively willing to cooperate. With „outsiders”, you're automatically more cautious, more defensive. In software teams, a new BA is often an „outsider” to engineering — and doesn't realize.

How Relatedness shows up in IT

Remote and cross-team teams amplify the problem. A new BA who joins a Slack channel with 30 devs who've known each other for 3 years is instantly an outsider. A new PO who gets the roadmap without cultural context is instantly an outsider. Three vulnerable zones: onboarding, cross-team meetings, change announcements.

What activates Relatedness (toward)

• Genuine small talk (not forced) — 2 minutes about something non-work at the start of a call.
• Finding a common point (similar project, hometown, hobby, kids the same age, shared conference).
• Using their actual name, not the role („Mihai, what do you think about...” > „the dev from team A”).
• Publicly acknowledging you learned something from them („as Ana told me, X means...”).
• Using the same jargon (or asking when you don't know it).
• Camera on — even just 5 min at start of call is enough.

What threatens Relatedness (away)

• Communication purely through tickets and cold emails.
• „Us (team) vs. them (business)” language.
• Being new in a group and nobody invites you to coffee breaks / informal channels.
• Calls with camera off, no intro, straight to „agenda has 5 items”.
• Internal jargon without explanation („PI 5 is blocked by team Atlas's SBA”).
• Being called „the BA” or „the PO” — never by your name.